#4
Karen Allen
Marion Ravenwood was the OG of Indiana Jones girls... and in the end Indy
chose to marry her. Marion was the kind of gal who was tender and loving, but
could also outdrink a farmer from Nepal with quadruple her body mass. Marion
isn't exactly the 'Damsel in Distress' type either - she's quick to pick up a
frying pan and lend her man a hand during an Egyptian street fight. And even
though Marion does seem to get captured pretty frequently throughout her years,
she never goes cooperatively... her ability to constantly yell and call her
captors rude names is unequaled.
It is truly a crying shame how badly Spielberg
gave Karen Allen the shaft with the Indy sequel. Sure, she made it back for the
4th installment of the Indy movies, but by that point who gives a fuck?
Harrison Ford is older than dinosaur shit and for some reason that douche from
Transformers is now part of the cast. Karen’s full body of theatrical work is
pretty unimpressive, unfortunately. She debuted in Animal House, which was a
classic, and played alongside Bill Murray in Scrooged, which is the only
watchable Christmas movie (A Christmas Story is dumb and not funny at all,
period).
#3
Samus Aran
The first Metroid was a total bitch to ever even get close to completing.
But with the invention of cheat codes, everybody eventually got to experience
the twist of an ending: the hero removes their space suit to reveal an alien
girl in a bikini! Then you get the option of RE-playing this fucking game as an
under-dressed alien hooker. Great!
Metroid Prime for the Nintendo Gamecube was
one of IGN's first games to get a Perfect 10/10 review - even if that game was
impossibly hard, you got to see thing from Samus' first-person POV! There is no
situation that our gal Samus can't shoot, bomb, flip or roller-ball her way out
of! Samus basically kicked an entire planet's ass in the original Metroid, and
then managed to out-run the planet-wide explosion safely. Bad ass! Samus has
been taking on similar space missions such as her first, except now she is a
blonde. And she has more badass gear too.
#2
Linda Hamilton
Had Linda Hamilton possessed more of a body of work when it comes to her
roles, she would definitely have taken the top spot. However, aside from
Terminator 1, Terminator 2 and Children of The Corn, Hamilton's other on-screen
appearances aren't even worth mentioning. 'Sarah Connor' began as a simple
diner waitress with a scooter and a really terrible haircut. But like most of
the citizens of LA, there comes a day in Sarah's when a smelly homeless guy
comes back in time to protect you from a motorcycle-riding Cyborg, then gets
you pregnant, your kid turns out to be Edward Furlong. After crushing her first
Austrian robot in a factory, Sarah ends up in a mental hospital for trying to
blow up a CPU company. Anyway, after Apple somehow survived her attack and she
gets locked up, she manages to free herself from her room and beats up a bunch
of the hospital staff. What a resourceful, methodical woman you are, Linda. I
can’t count on all 75 feet and hands how many times I’ve watched the Terminator
movies.
Sarah Conner is a beast in Terminator 2: she gets slashed, stabbed
through the chest, gets stitches, shoots a guy in front of his family, has a
gun-fight with an entire swat team, then lowers the only father-figure her son
ever had into hot molten lava… she is just a plain beast.
#1
Sigourney Weaver
Alas, we come to the top spot… and a well-deserved candidate indeed! Ridley
Scott discovered Sigourney while searching for a main character for his upcoming
film Alien. And boy did he hit the bullseye on this pick! Weaver’s next main
on-screen appearance was as Dana/Zuul in Ghostbusters. Aside from the obvious
classic elements of this genius Comedy, Weaver’s acting was the most notable of
performances in Ghostbusters. Dana begins as a normal chick in 1980s New York
City, who discovers she has demons in her refrigerator, becomes possessed by a
malevolent demonic lord called Zuul, then bangs Rick Moranis, gets struck by
lightning and turns into a giant demon dog/bear gargoyle-monster in order to
summon Gozer. Fucking Rad!! Weaver next appeared in Aliens, the James Cameron
sequel to Alien. Ellen Ripley goes through some very drastic changes since her
last movie. She is no longer a naïve, simple space pilot. Ripley is now haunted
by nightmares of her experience and decides to join the space Marines in
returning to the planet where Ripley previously found the alien species who
killed her entire crew… both to face her fears and see that the Marines wipe
out the entire infested tera-formed colony.
We see Ripley undergo a number of
terrifying experiences on LB426 (planet name), which leads up to Ripley
single-handedly taking on the Queen and her alien hive-guards with nothing but
a Pulse Rifle, Flame Thrower, a strip of grenades and her wits. The climax of
the film comes where Ripley faces off with the ferocious Queen inside a walking
robot-forklift machine… where she manages to, yet again, flush the creature out
into space and save the day (and this time save THE SHIP TOO)! Aside from
Goonies and Predator, Aliens is definitely the film I’ve watched most in my
lifetime. Even to this day, I can put this on and enjoy the whole thing start
to finish. And it is solely due to Sigourney’s work… and Bill Paxton. Anyway,
Sigourney Weaver has done a wide range of on-screen work: comedy, drama… even
cartoon voices! Most notably was her return to the employment of James Cameron
for the hit movie Avatar, where she played a largely integral role. I could go
on and on about how inspiring and powerful Weaver is, and why she deserves to
be at the top of my list… and I feel like I already did that.
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